+ Am sick. Boo life.

+ Just did a small friends cut. If you want back on or off just send me a message.

+ Sometimes I think I'd like to know why people defriend me. Especially if they friended me first and then cut me only a few months later. Was it because I wasn't commenting? Were our common interests differing too much? Am I boring? Was I not posting enough? I'll be honest, I hate cutting people - mostly because I loathe the thought of someone not liking me. But when I do cut it's either because someone defriended me first or said person never ever posted. I realize asking a person why they don't want to be friends anymore on the internet is like trying to ask my almost two year old son why he drew on the couch with pen yesterday. He probably had his reasons and they made sense to him, but I'll never know the real answer.

+ Watched New York, I Love You and was so disappointed. I had to turn it off about four times and come back to it later because I kept falling asleep during it.

+ Zombieland on BluRay = BEST ZOMBIE MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN.

+ I ordered McDonald's in Spanish! It was very exciting. And the cashier was super nice since I know I was fumbling the words around in my mouth like my tongue was made of jello. Also, that's the first time I've had McDonald's in 7 months. They aren't big on fast food over here. Which is good, because I don't need it, really. Though I miss the fries like WHOA.

+ Also? This guy! He may be part giant. Just sayin'.

Jensen: In the months leading up to my wedding, I was thinking about you all the time. I mean, even on my way there; I'm in the car, a buddy of mine is driving me downtown and I'm staring out the window, and I think I see you, not far from the church, right? Folding up an umbrella and walking into a deli on the corner of 13th and Broadway. And I thought I was going crazy, but now I think it probably was you.
Jared: I lived on 11th and Broadway.
Jensen: You see?

+

Jared: So, I want to try something.
Jensen: What?
Jared: [hugs him] I want to see if you stay together or if you dissolve into molecules.
Jensen: How'm I doin'?
Jared: Still here.
Jensen: Good, I like being here.

Season six. Really?

Maybe it's just my waning interest in the storyline this season or that I felt like this year should be the end, I don't know. I'm kind of disappointed that they're dragging it out. Not just Kripke and the CW corporate heads, but Jared and Jensen too. I realize that for them, it's a job - a steady one that puts a good chunk of change in their bank accounts and places them in an environment that they're not only comfortable with, but mostly likely happy with.

But I also got the impression from them in their interviews last spring (Kripke included) that they were sort of ready to finish this show on a positive note. In others words: not take a good thing and beat it into the ground. I mean, how much farther can these Apocalypse shenanigans go on? And if they do end it this season are they just going to circle back to fighting monsters week to week i.e. season one?

I'm not all that interested in watching them being emo anymore. It's a little exhausting after four years plus.

Don't get me wrong, I'll read SPN AU&NON-AU and CWRPS AU fic until my eyes go blurry, but I'm kinda ready for the show to be over.

I know, I know, I know. You're probably thinking 'Don't watch it if you don't want to' and that's a good point. No one's forcing me to. I have the choice to stop, it's just, I feel all this left over loyalty since I was there from basically the beginning. I remember the first few seasons waiting on bated breath for SPN to get renewed and being so excited when it did. It seems bittersweet now, what with everything going on in front of and behind the camera.

It feels - to me - as if they were ready to move on. And I've been in that mode myself since about the third episode in. I was preparing myself for this to be the end. I'm in a place now that I want to start something new and/or focus on the new shows/fandoms/books/hobbies etc. that I've already become immersed in.

And the bitch of it all is: I'll still read the fic. The writers in this fandom are so incredibly talented I don't think I could stop reading or even writing it myself even if I tried. Crazy, right? Yeah. Probably.

I'm tired. I'm so sick of always being tired and trying to be happy for everyone. It's not easy living here, living this far away. Doesn't matter that I've done it before. And some people will never understand that. I want to see the world and expierence other cultures. I want to be a worldly person. But still...

I miss home.

The people on here piss me off so much sometimes. I want to tell some of them (even though I won't) to shut the hell up and stop. Just stop. Please. I don't want to read about your hypocritical, self-righteous, self-important crap anymore.

Get off your damn soapboxes. Your OPINION is not the ONLY opinion. Stop telling people what's right and what's wrong - what the correct thing to believe is and what is inappropriate or crazy or batshit or dumb.

I can't stand Russell Crowe or Michelle Rodriguez or Stuart Townsend or Sarah Jessica Parker. And I'm not that fond of Paul Walker or Angelina Jolie either. You can disagree if you want, that's your right. But I'm not a bad or insane person because I don't like them. I don't have to fall all over myself and scream that I love them when I don't. And I hate that people pressure others to like/love the things that they love. Is it insecurity that drives them - the need to feel like what they care about (no matter how trivial or important) isn't silly or stupid? Is that what compels people to want to make others like what they like and shun the ones that don't?

Personally I think the whole concept is ridiculous. I can't say I don't have my insecurities because I do. But no one should make someone else feel bad because they have a differing opinion.

The hypocrisy in fandom makes me want to scream. Get over yourself. We don't really know these people and most of us never will.

And if you don't agree with me: OKAY! I don't mind. It's your right. I try to scroll past the things that don't appeal to me or that I know will make me upset. But when I see post after post after post of the same shit - to the point that it can't be ignored - I feel the need to state my opinion.

And this is it. For better or worse.

Now if you'll excuse me I'll get off my soapbox and retreat to my little corner of the world.

Example:

Have you ever gone to see a movie and as you were leaving the theater with the person/people you came with, and they're gushing about everything they loved and how they want to see the movie again - right this minute, all you can think is...meh. And this movie picks up tons of buzz, gets great reviews from critics and audiences and the all-around conclusion comes to this: the movie is AMAZING.

And you think to yourself 'I don't get it. I don't get the hype. I just didn't like it.' Your friends call you crazy, they say you're out of your mind - that you just don't get the movie and what it's about. They tell you to see the movie again, maybe you'll change your mind with a second viewing. It doesn't. All the things you saw before and didn't enjoy are still present, the way you feel about the movie is still the same. They keep calling you crazy.

What's so crazy about having a differing opinion, I ask? If we all thought the same thing about everything what kind of life would we live? A boring one for sure. Groupthink can pressure a lot of people to not go against the grain even if they feel differently. Who wants to rock the boat, right? Who wants to be called out for not conforming to the popular idea of what is "accepted"? No one wants to be told their wrong about a personal opinion, no one wants to think they're being irrational because they don't just shut up and go along with everyone else.

And yet this happens all the time, everyday, everywhere. SIGH.

Sometimes I think this is a sad world we live in when our own supposed friends and family discourage us from thinking differently than them.

It's okay to say you disagree. It's okay to think outside of the box.

At least that's what I believe.

Pretty much. Yeah.